Tuesday, June 3, 2014

A Pain in the Grass

About an hour after I bought this thing on a recent road trip, I had some serious buyer’s remorse.  

Now that I think about it, my remorse started to set in as I lugged it across the street from the thrift store where I purchased it in order to put it in the car (which sounds much easier to do than it actually is).

By the way, as far as foreign objects in the back of a Subaru go, an anchor is very close to the top of the list of things to avoid.  It takes up an awkward amount of space, is impossible to pack around and, in a true crime against the senses, IT RATTLES.


As we rolled down the highway, this thing jangled, clinked and clanked in a way that could only result in a series of tiny-yet-constant mental seizures for me so at one point I pulled it out of the car (this too sounds much easier than it actually is) and went at it with a pair of pliers, 100% ineffectively, just to try to make the (insert any curse word here) clinking stop.

 (Issues alert: I once pulled my car over on the freeway to silence a suitcase zipper pull that was jiggling just a little, a sound not detectable by any human ears other than mine).

Another member of the exclusive Anchors Anonymous club. 

I quickly learned that when you’re the person in the car who BOUGHT AN ANCHOR and that clanking, awkwardly-shaped anchor is eating up precious cargo space, you pretty much have to go along with just about anything your traveling companion buys, says or does.

Because you are the person who put an anchor in their car.

 “May I have a sip of water, please?”
“No, because you bought an anchor.”

“May I get out of the trunk and ride in the car now?”
“No, because you bought an anchor.”

“Are we there yet?”
“No, because you bought an anchor.”

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Not Subaru-friendly. 

Once at home, I sent the anchor straight to storage because we needed some time apart to think about where this relationship was going and don't you know it, I suddenly started seeing anchors everywhere.*

4,852 likes can't be wrong, can they?

And then this post popped up on Facebook, courtesy of Mike Wolfe American Picker


*Three anchors probably don’t indicate an impending anchor-décor-trend but it’s all I’ve got to go with.  

JUNE 16, 2014 UPDATE:
 Thrilled to report that ten days after I dropped anchor at Monticello Antique Marketplace, it sold! Turns out it's just as awkward in an antique store as it is in the back of a Suburu.  Anchors away!


  1. Amy, you are cracking me up! I can visualize every scene. I hope by now it is at Monticello with a price on it so a person with an anchor fetish can find it!

  2. Justified huh? My, oh my I didn't give you that hard of a time about it. (I think I let you drink water and the trunk wasn't so bad was it?) Ahoy Matey Amy!

    1. I was trying to protect your anonymity but since your secret identity has been revealed -- you were a peach to let me put an anchor in your car without batting an eye or making me travel with it on my lap. Thanks Ethel!

  3. Well at least it didn't "hold you down" (that was bad) and keep you from finding more junk. A seriously awkward, but very cool piece. Sure makes a funny story.

  4. A sweet treasure and a funny story to go along with it!! It would be great in a restaurant or beach home! ;) xo Heather

  5. Haha! Imagine if Laurie really had made you put it on your lap! lol Really though, it's great! I'm sure some anchor-loving person is going to scoop it right up!
    Erica :)

  6. I have ears like that. I recently drove 20 miles with a Fisher Price Chime ball in the backseat and I almost went INSANE. If I could have reached it, I would have chucked that d*mn thing out the window. When I was little, my Dad kept a styrofoam ice chest wedged in the back of the car and it skweeked, skweeked, skeewed constantly and nearly drove me insane. Consequently, I hate car noises and Styrofoam is NOT allowed with a thrity foot radius of me. EVER.

  7. Someday, Ethel will need the same kindness in return, when she loads the car with 3 cases of vintage pipe cleaners and 5 life-size Santas.....

  8. I think that will make a great piece in someone's flower bed. What other antics of you 2 gals been up to that we don't know about? Love the story, I got a good laugh.

  9. Brian has an absolute conniption when something is rattling in the car. I swear he has the same hearing sensitivity as a dog.

    Anchors are EVERYWHERE these days. I just bought some cute Post It notes from Target with anchors on them. Much easier to transport in my car than the real thing. Maybe the next time you decide you need an anchor, you should just head there? Just a suggestion :-)

    Anchors Away!



  10. Now you feel better that you vented all that about your fancy anchor ? LOL

    If Mike Wolfe likes anchors then your scored

  11. I know what you mean about the loud clanking sound of a luggage zipper pull! LOL

  12. Hey, sounds to me like your junking mojo is ahead of the curve!


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